I’ve kept up with this stretch of 94 better than I’ve kept up with my college friends
I know every tree and landmark and the woman on the billboard with her perfect hair and perfect skin
Is this what I imagined that my life would be like at 29?
Every day I breathe a mantra, but the loudest words I hear are, “I’m behind.”
Behind the ones with vision and behind the ones with children,
What happened to my ambition?
Behind the ones with purpose, I keep digging for my purpose,
I don’t know why I’m so nervous
And I keep on driving down this stretch of 94
And I keep on digging, digging, hoping I’ll find more
I can’t recall a time when I felt quite as lost, as lost as I feel right now
I know how to force a smile, I know how to make it seem like I have no doubts
I’ve seen the sky from many different countries, all I feel is I’m behind
My dreams have crashed behind me, I can hardly keep up with my mind, oh and I’m behind
Behind the ones with houses and behind the ones whose baby is their business
Behind the ones who’ve made friends with routine, their morning coffee and their 9-5 in the office
But is that what I want?
Oh is that what I want?
My prayer was once Hail Mary,
I knew Jesus died to save me
Now it’s “Father what does this all mean?
And who am I, and who are you, and who are we?”
All this, driving down the stretch of 94